I'm also a Virgo. I am PMS-ing right now. I'm not sure if I'm dating a guy because..I don't know. I'm too scared to ask him what's up because I don't want to know the answer. I just want to be in a relationship. With someone who I am madly in love with AND who is madly in love with me and is NOT lame, cheesy, or boring. Or is a guy friend who has been hiding his feelings for me for years (sorry guy friends, there is no one I can think of that I am attracted to and/or want to hook up with right now).
I am not sure I want to live here.
I am not sure what I want to do with my life.
I am sure I sound like EVERYBODY ELSE.
If that's the case, then where the fuck is EVERYBODY ELSE and why don't we hang out? and bone? at least. come on. get it out of our systems...
I want beautiful things. I am materialistic but I have a heart. and a soul. and a brain. i am a woman but i actually want to cook and clean and have babies. but be treated like an equal. I will fight back. I am not afraid to call you out if you treat me like shit. or leave you if you really really treat me like shit. I know what I deserve. I know it is fun to be dominated, and to be submissive. I know it is fun to DOMINATE and tell YOU what to do.
I know I am being dramatic. And overreacting. And over-analytic. And anal (no, i don't want it in the bum).
I have been in love. I may still be in love. I am confused. I want a mesh of all the men that have been in my life. i want to create the perfect man with all of the good parts of all of you. you all were good. great even. none of you were ever mean or bad. timing. and lifestyle differences. and falling out of love. those were the reasons. for us being apart. i still care.
you don't stop caring. even if you are trying to hurt me, and I am trying to hurt you. we do it because we care.
if we did not, we would not keep hurting.
hurting means you have something. i guess. it's so lame.
now im starting to sound philisophical. bullshit.
i spelled philosophical wrong.
im a perfectionist.
i always need to correct myself. i can't let things go. i have to go back and fix it. so it's perfect. perfect LOOKING. i am not symmetrical. i hate looking at my face. my body. it needs to be symmetrical.
nothing is ever clean enough. my house and room and car and work space. they are never. never clean enough. or not cluttered. i grew up in a cluttered house. our house did NOT look like a Better Homes and Garden magazine. It pissed me off. I kept it inside. I wasn't allowed to watch tv. So i scoured and studied every magazine. National Geographic. I saw raw, real humans. I was disgusted. Because they did not look like the models in all of the REST of the magazines. What a conflict that poses to a young child's mind.
